Hello Beautiful People! Welcome back to another Baddie Book Review! For this review, I talk about Know My Name by Chanel Miller. This book has been on my want-to-read book since its release and after finally picking it from my list, I was definitely kicking myself for taking so long.
Some warnings for future readers:
- Know My Name is a bibliography, but also a true crime novel. In January 2015 Chanel Miller was sexually assaulted by Brock Turner after he found her alone and intoxicated after she went out for a night of fun with friends. This book is the telling of events in Chanel’s own words, from her experience in the hospital directly after the assault, to Brock’s eventual sentencing and the years after. This book is a raw and honest retelling of these events which may be hard for some to read.
My Review
So this isn’t going to be so much of a review as this will be a request to anyone who hasn’t read this book and feels comfortable to do so, to read this book.
I remember hearing about Emily Doe (the name Chanel was given in the media to protect her identity) and the case against Brock back when it happened in 2015. I was 15 when this happened but I remembered hearing it and just feeling a chill. When Chanel was assaulted it was on Stanford Campus after she had been to a frat party, and I remembered wondering if any of the guys I went to school were capable of hurting someone in this manner. I mean to give you the quick answer to that, it was yes. I just felt such fear around it because this story reiterated that you can never tell who is trustworthy and who is not and there are people out there always looking to take advantage of others. I remember hearing a lot of the conversation around it and being aware at even the ripe age of 15 that Emily would not have been capable of giving consent if she was as drunk as she was. I hated the conversation around Brock. He was presented as this good old’ school boy whose whole life was being ruined by the charges being pressed on him. However, the conversation around Emily was that she was a drunk ditz who should have tried better to drink responsibly and have better friends. It made me sick then and it still makes me sick now. Chanel’s entire life course was changed and ruined in a few minutes, and yes so was Brocks, but Brock was the one who was aware and conscious, Chanel was not.
This book made me cry, made me laugh, made me angry, and made me have hope, this book had everything. Chanel is such an incredibly aware, able, and powerful person. I appreciate her greatly for having the strength to go through everything she did, and then have the strength to tell her story because some of the things she said in this book are how I’ve felt about so many things like people’s actions, different social systems, and others, for so long. I think what this book really does as well is put into words what the real day-to-day struggle of being a woman is. I think one of the things that men often ignore about the experience of being a woman is we are raised, and trained to be unconsciously conscious of all things around us. Yet this doesn’t protect us, things like what happened to Chanel still happen. We are never safe because we are constant prey to the other sex. I think if you’re a man and you’re offended by women’s fear of men, read this book. Take a look at a picture of Brock Turner. Tell me please how are women ever supposed to tell who it is who wants to hurt us? Brock looked like a baby face nerd at the time he assaulted Chanel. Brock isn’t what you would describe as a man who looked like he needed to be feared, yet he assaulted an unconscious woman behind a dumpster. Chanel went out that night with people looking out for her and in a lone instant she managed to be found by someone who was looking for someone vulnerable, and she just so happened to be there when he was looking. Chanel made a powerful statement in the book in which she said if it hadn’t been her that night it would have been someone else. This is the sad truth of assaults of this nature. Chanel was just in the wrong place at the wrong time and wasn’t in any state to fend off a much more sober and aware person who was in the mood to assault someone.
The book starts off with Chanel’s experience in the hospital. If you ever want to understand what it’s like for a victim to go through the rape kit process, read this book. It’s horrifying. As the person who had already been hurt, she then had to have her body photographed, poked, and prodded, in order to prove that she was assaulted. It seems so medieval that this is the way that we still have to do things. Further, Chanel spoke greatly about how she suffered mentally after this. She couldn’t hold a proper routine, couldn’t work, sleep, or eat. Chanel struggled to regulate her emotions and greatly questioned who she was as a person. Her personal relationships suffered, and she suffered as a whole. It’s unfair that victims not only go through the initial pain of their attack but also the pain after. It takes over every ounce of a person’s being, and it’s a battle to get that feeling back like your body, and your life, are yours again. The reason the whole case went to the trial in the first place was because Brock the idiot he is decided to claim innocence and that Chanel was a willing participant in the whole thing. The way that Chanel gets dragged and revictimized during the whole trial having to relive such a horrible trauma is one of the saddest things I’ve ever had to read. To hear how the whole thing hurt and pained her family, and caused them such trauma just broke my heart. People can argue the same thing for Brocks family but Brocks family could have prevented this whole thing by raising a son who respected women and didn’t treat them like objects. That would have saved people a lot of pain. I was shocked in this book how much Chanel’s ability to not remember hurt her rather than helped her. When I read that Chanel could not remember anything that Brock had done to her due to her level of intoxication I originally thought that was good for her case. There is no way Brock can say she consented when she was so drunk she can’t even remember it. Yet it was used against her to say she said yes and just said she forgot in order to make this claim or that she let herself get so drunk that she didn’t remember saying yes. What?? Even if she said yes she was in no state for that, yes to be taken with any validity!! What kind of fucking world do we live in man…
This book is a call to believe victims when the circumstances are right. Chanel was found with Brock on top of her, unconscious, her clothes pulled off, behind a dumpster by two men passing by. These men pulled Brock off of her and he tried to run. You’re telling me these are the circumstances of a consensual sexual relationship? Did we even need to question this? I just don’t even understand why we bother giving these disgusting men an inch? When we do people like Brock run with it and stop at no attempt to further victimize their victim.
I don’t want to tell too much of Chanel’s story because it honestly (for like the 10th time) is a book everyone has to read. It doesn’t matter what your race, gender, or sexual orientation is. Everyone can either relate or empathize on some level with the pain shared in this book. I think that is what makes books like this scary to be honest. It’s such a powerful story because Chanel’s experience isn’t so unique, it’s one that so many other people have lived through. Her time in court, her portrayal in the media, and her treatment by the justice system are one that so many have experienced. Her pain is the pain of many women, and her pain and hurt are so valid. Her experience is one I wish for no woman in this world, but the sad part is so many are going to experience it after her. The only way we as women can try to take some control and power back is by making our voices and stories heard. I again thank Chanel for her strength to tell her story and put her name to it. The influence the book has on so many and the influence it has for women to see the value in themselves is undeniable. You show the true meaning of healing isn’t healing its overcoming and taking your power back. That’s what she did so I commend her.
I hope you enjoyed this review. Have you read Chanel’s book before? What did you think?
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